i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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