If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
