she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
