I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
