i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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