You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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