one word: firstdatebathroomanal
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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