I wish I could teleport
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
