Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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