i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
