six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
