Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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