Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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