we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
