yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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