This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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