I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
