Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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