I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Randomize
