Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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