I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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