You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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