pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
where am i from again
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
