For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
