Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
