So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
