His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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