I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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