why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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