I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
