Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
