Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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