my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
