im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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