Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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