Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
