dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
