I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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