Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
