I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
