Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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