Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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