Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
