Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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