I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My life is pants optional.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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