I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
