just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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