This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
