I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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