If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
